Medical Warning
This is a
"heads up" to those friends who haven't experienced it yet and an explanation to those friends and family who have. Most of
you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While it was
an "urban legend," this one is not. It's happening every day.
My thighs
were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and
woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal.
Who would
have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for years. Whose thighs were these? What happened
to mine?
I spent the
entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became
obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to bumps in the night.
Finally,
hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.
Then, just
when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to
match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck
me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was 2
years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched, horrified but fascinated,
as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was
being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time.
Age? Age
had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. NO, I was being
attacked,repeatedly and without warning. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do
to me next?
My eyes began
to remind people that they needed a new pair of Hush Puppies. My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving
turkey it now reminded me of.
That's why
I've decided to tell my story; I can't take on the medical profession by myself.
Women of
America, wake up and smell the coffee!
That isn't
really "plastic" those surgeons are using. You know where they're getting those replacement parts, don't you?
The next
time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," look again! Was it lifted from you?
Check out
those tummy tucks and buttocks raisings. Look familiar? Are those your eyelids on that movie star? I think I finally may have
found my thighs...and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them! This is NOT a hoax! This is happening
to women in every town every night.
Warn all
your friends.
PS - I feel
much better knowing this is happening, I thought I was just getting old! I must say that last year I thought someone
had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone, as I sprang from my bed I was relieved to see that they were
just hiding in my pajama bottoms. After reading this, I will keep them hidden in my waistband!