Bad Hattitudes Of The Valley !!

Poems and Sayings

Some are just sayings and others you can click on for more fun and music

 
Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.  I can usually shut her up with cookies.
The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70. -Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs.  I think of them as stray eyebrows.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.-Carrie Snow-
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.-Laurie Kuslansky-
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.-Erma Bombeck-
Old age ain't no place for sissies.-Bette Davis-
The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman-
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
I try to take one day at a time--but sometimes several days attack me at once.
If you can't be a good example--then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.-Sue Grafton-
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.  -Roseanne Barr-
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-

Another page? Ya never know!!

Interesting Observations

 1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
 pants.

 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
 "Implants?"
 4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
 5. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
 6 . I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
 7 . If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
 8 . There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
 9 . I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
 you  want to annoy for the rest of your life.
 10 . I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
 11 . Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
 have stayed alive.
12 . Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
13 . Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
 Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
 14 . A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true
 friend
 will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn..that was fun!"-
 15 . I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
 clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up
 in  the first place!
 16 . When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunk y
 dunk."
 17 . The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them
 18 . Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
 the  difference.
 19 . Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
 press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
 20 . Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't
 fallen asleep yet.
 21 . My husband says I never listen to him (at least I think that's what
he  said).
 22 . Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
 23 . If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
 with something called LABOUR!
 24 . Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT
 cells live forever.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President
(DUH)
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"-- Lee Iacocca
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP (damn, he's smart)
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Observations-

MIDLIFE -
Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquird mustache. Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans, we are flying squirrels in drag. Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear without turning around.
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat! Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too"!
Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.
Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film. Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones. Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water. The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in midlife. Jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.
Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally(more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin). Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.
You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice icecream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? -Author Unknown


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